Signed: From Your Not So Loyal Author
by The Kazekage of Suna
Summary: I, the Kazekage, am being forced to record my daily "struggles" and "thoughts" into an inanimate object called a "diary". I prefer the term journal, thank you very much.
1. Your Not So Loyal Author

**November 2-**

I do not see how this is supposed to help my emotions. If anything it is a self degrading practice of releasing my emotions. This is almost as embarrassing as Kankuro's dolls. When am I ever going to even need to use this? To record my daily struggles and thoughts? According to Temari it is. I am the Kazekage, not a school boy who needs to vent his feelings into an inanimate object. But if I don't, Temari is taking me to see the therapist again.

I do not want to see the therapist.

Ever.

Again.

Signed from your not so loyal author of this ridiculous journal,

Gaara.


	2. Kankuro's a Bastard

**November 3-**

Kankuro found my journal today. He called me a pansy. I told him to stop talking.

He laughed.

I laughed when I sand coffined his puppets.

I can safely say he learned his lesson from his horrifying experience and my amusement, I found out Matsuri has a shrine of me. That was more horrifying than Kankuro's experience. I no longer feel safe around her. It is not a feeling I enjoy. It is much like when I have sand in my pants.

Not pleasurable.

Temari just found out Kankuro teased me. She's chasing him around my office desk beating him with her obese fan, and I am sitting here, feeling a bit more content as he is mercilessly beaten over the head.

I was sure that my sadistic thoughts were gone, but this...is an exception.

Not that I would tell anyone but, I quite enjoy it when Kankuro gets his ass kicked after he has been a bastard. Especially when Temari kicks his ass.

Unfaithfully yours,

Gaara.

P.s. This is still an idiotic idea.


	3. Feral Fangirls

**November 4-**

Today the fangirls found out where I was hiding. I only wanted to go outside for fresh air, but had been ambushed by the rabid hormonally insane teenage girls. It was awful, not even my sand could teleport me fast enough, they had planned an assault and hid around various places. Ironically enough all the places they hid in were my favorite places.

Time to find new places to hide.

I do not like playing "Hide-and-stalk-the-Kazekage".

It is not a fun game.

Aside from being mentally and physically cornered, Temari once again saved me. Now I am in the safe vicinity of my work quarters, and am contemplating never leaving again.

Never again.

Untruly yours,

Sabaku no Gaara.


	4. Your Pissed Author

**November 5-**

****I am pissed with my brother and his dumb ass tricks! There I said it! Finally! I hope one day he get's stalked too!

Your pissed author,

Gaara.


	5. Kage Outfit Modifications

**November 6-**

After Kankuro's recent assault against my dastardly journal, he received his divine punishment. I have yet to see him rest his filthy fingers upon this once more.

Aside from that, today I had a meeting with the council, and to be honest it was a gathering in which I regret ever attending.

It was requested by the village, for reasons unknown to myself, that my Kage outfit should be modified.

Into a skin tight pair of boxers.

Sometimes...you know, I honestly have no desire to understand what goes through their minds.

It was voted by the village girls...age majority 13-49 years of age.

I am younger than over half of that age span that wanted the modification to my outfit.

To think I have gone from people never looking at me, to being fantasized about on a regular, rather obsessive, basis.

Your very scarred and still lacking in loyalty of an author,

Gaara.


	6. Forever Alone

**November 7-**

I was given the day off today from my work.

I don't know what to do with myself.

It is weird not having ink stains on my fingers, or headaches from endless amounts of signing papers.

Kankuro said I should pick up on a book series he's reading.

I _know_ it's those porn books.

Temari suggested I begin a hobby.

Kankuro said the hobby should be becoming a bachelor because I'm, "forever alone".

Says the full grown man in a cat suit.

And clown face paint.

Yes, I just went there.

And back again.

Your unfaithful author,

Gaara.


	7. Family Bonding Night

**November 8th-**

Temari said that tonight was "family bonding night" so she brought out boardgames and movies for Kankuro and I. Kankuro brought out his own movies.

To put it simply, Temari "bitch-slapped" him with her fan.

He is currently passed out cold on the couch.

I feel no sympathy.

After he was settled, Temari taught me how to knit for some unknown reason.

Do you know how self degrading that is?

The Kazekage of Suna...knitting mittens for his immature brother.

Oh and it gets better.

Temari decided I was old enough to receive the "Talk".

I told her Kankuro already gave me it...

But his was nothing like hers...

She smacked him in his sleep.

Your author of this ridiculous book,

Gaara.


	8. Revenge, Kankuro, Revenge!

**November 9th-**

****Kankuro threw a party tonight.

I left the house and stayed up on the roof. It was quite nice...but because I made the mistake of sleeping without a shirt on, Kankuro's music woke me up, and I only had seconds to escape when his drunk accomplices came to attack me, especially his girl friends.

I am starting to think staying would be better than this. I am freezing my ass off and would trade twenty stack of paperwork over this.

I would take knitting over this.

I need to man up!

Tomorrow...revenge will find its way to you Kankuro.

For all those thing you've done...

Your vengeful author,

Gaara.


	9. Your Big Sis Temari!

**November 10-**

Hi Gaara! It's your sister Temari! I am really glad you are using this diary, I am so proud of you! But a suggestion would be to perhaps not hide it in the plant by your desk? It's a really obvious place. But anyway, lots of love!

Your proud big sis,

Temari

* * *

I swear to god I have no personal space with those two. I am positive this says "MINE" on the front, not "Welcome! Please take and vandalize!"

And it's a journal, thank you very much.

Your author who really needs personal space,

Gaara.


	10. My (Possibly) Last Entry

**The Kazekage: It's my ****six-month anniversary!**

**On Fanfiction!**

* * *

**November 11-**

Baki was trying to adjust the thermostat in my office today.

He broke it.

No I am left _sweating_ and _shirtless_ in my office.

Do you know how awful it is to be so damn hot?

Aside from the suffering I am going through, it is now at that time in the year.

Where citizens line up at my door.

And ask pressing question on the political standing.

Not only will this be extremely awkward...

For some reason the female population has taken an _extreme_ interest in politics this year.

This may be my last journal entry, and if so...

Your forgiving author,

Gaara.

P.S- Save me.


	11. Excuse My English

**November 12-**

I will not sand coffin Baki. I will not physically impair Baki. I will not mentally scare Baki to a state of complete terror. I will not "flip my shit".

Those fangirls were _awful. _I made it out alive with ten _claw _marks, two cuts, four bruises, and a whole hell of a lot of revenge planed for the curtain faced Bastar-excuse my English, _Baki._

__Baki I swear to god the next time I see you...

This has to be his worst tactic to get people more interested in Suna's politics.

Harmful to me in every possibly way?

Yes.

Extremely effective?

...Yes.

Your suffering author,

Gaara.


	12. What The Hell?

**November 13-**

I am not permitted to inflict harm on my loyal subjects unless it is endangering situation.

I didn't realize being mauled by rabid girls didn't fall under that category, or tormenting me endlessly.

Kankuro and Baki are in debt to me, I saved their lives.

Anyway, I received a letter today.

There was one single sentence written in the center and it read as follows:

**_GAARA-SAMA IS THE SMEX!_**

What in the hell is "Smex"?

Your unforthcoming and confused author,

Gaara.


	13. Legal Guardian

**November 14-**

I noticed some things today.

I am almost as tall as Kankuro now.

Kankuru is _still _single.

Kankuro can officially be my legal guardian, which the council had been discussing.

There is no way in hell I am agreeing to that; for two reasons.

One, he can't even take care of himself.

Two, no matter how much I love my siblings...they are not going to pretend to be parents.

I'm the _Kazekage_, not a _kid._

Your _mature_ author,

Gaara.


	14. My Maniac Maid

**November 15-**

****It was the strangest thing today...

I couldn't find any of my shirts.

They were literally all gone when I came home from the office...

Wait...wait-a

Why the hell is our new maid dashing away from my house and shoving my shirts to her nose...

Oh you know what, never mind.

Your slightly worried and disturbed author,

Gaara.

P.S I have to go buy a lot of shirts now because she's going to sell them all...for high prices...


	15. Not a Diary!

**November 16-**

Where in the hell is my favorite pair of boxers?

Seriously I can't find them anywhere!

I have a feeling...

That someone close to me did this...

Your slightly worried and unfaithful author,

Gaara.

* * *

**HAHA I SOLD THEM TO THE FANGIRLS**

**YOUR SEXY VIOLATOR OF THIS DIARY,**

**KANKURO.**

* * *

**KANKURO! STOP GETTING INTO GAARA'S DIARY!**

**Your loving sister,**

**Temari.**

* * *

Wow.

It's.

A.

**Journal**.


	16. My New Stalker

**November 17-**

I think I have a stalker.

Today, when I was walking home from work, I could've sworn I saw a flash...

Of a camera...

And someone kept dodging behind buildings and venders, but I didn't get a chance to see their face.

I think I might...

Never walk home again.

Your stalked author,

Gaara.


	17. It's Not Cheating

The Kazekage: Can't get enough of Gaara? Check out My Desert Angel on my page.

* * *

**November 18-**

Kankuro and I played poker today.

He got frustrated because every time I won, he would scream how I cheated.

It's not that hard to win. He just needs to become more intelligent and skillful.

But, not all of us have a third eye.

It's not cheating, it's called being resourceful.

Your devious minded author,

Gaara.


	18. Demon Spawn Hell Cat

**November 19-**

Temari insisted that we buy a "cuddly kitty cat".

I told her we already had Kankuro, but of course we must remember that isn't good enough, and the cat _has _to be cute.

Apparently, Kankuro does not meet those requirements.

So, being the loving brother I am, bought her a kitten from a pet store.

It clawed the living hell out of me the moment I picked the demon up, and hissed quite ferociously.

Thus, I named the cat Demon Spawn.

Temari smacked me and named him Cuddlykinz.

That furry bastard is not cuddly_._

Your clawed and scarred author,

Gaara.


	19. Day Two With The Furry Bastard

**November 20-**

****It's day two with the Demon Hell Spawn.

Must...resist...urge...to kill...

He pissed in my sand, ripped up my paperwork, clawed my Kage uniform, destroyed my office chair, and that's only some of the things that furry bastard has done!

I put him outside and prayed the desert birds would snatch him up.

But nothing ever goes my way.

Your frustrated author,

Gaara.


	20. Too Stupid

**November 21- **

****I returned the cat without the consent of Temari. She asked me where he went.

I said Kankuro sat on him, and we weren't going to get the cat back.

As many times as Temari has told me not to lie, it was for her own good.

Signed from your vengeful author,

Gaara.

* * *

**I swear to god Gaara is dense, I just read that, and now I know who's about to get smacked very very very hard.**

**And I also know who is going to be returning that cat to me.**

**Your REVENGEFUL author,**

**Temari.**


	21. SOS

**November 22-**

I am currently hiding underneath my desk, with my ultimate shield up.

I dear hope it will be enough to stop the wrecking force of my sister.

I am having doubts.

Wait-What the hell? Is that a cat...

WHY IS THE HELL SPAWN HERE?!

SIGNED S.O.S,

GAARA.


	22. My Ego

**November 23-**

****As a man, I realized that small ball of furry hell had been jeopardizing my ego and pride.

I decided to bring out the big guns today.

I bought myself a Great Dane.

And now, as Kankuro would say, "Come at me bro."

Signed from,

The Kazekage of Suna

P.S- Kazekage makes me feel like I've regained my pride.


	23. Have My Children!

**November 24-**

****My animal and sister issue had thankfully been resolved since I adopted my dog, Ryu.

Well anyway, I thought today was actually going along smoothly, until I left my mansion.

There was a huge stack of unread fangirl letters addressed to me.

A lot of them read as follows:

_MARRY ME KAZEKAGE-SAMA!_

_YOU'RE THE HOTTEST MAN ALIVE...MARRY ME!_

_HAVE MY CHILDREN!_

__...Have your children...what the-why?

Signed from your STILL lacking in faith author,

Gaara.


	24. Thongs? As In Sandals?

**November 25-**

****I honestly thought when Kankuro said "thongs" had came in the mail for me, he meant sandals.

So when he handed the package to me while I was training kids at the ninja academy as a substitute, I thought it would be harmless.

Thank you Kakuro, really, I just mentally scarred a class of seven year olds.

Now I am going to have to deal with their parents. Won't this be a fun time?

Never trust a man in face paint.

Or particularly one with a cat suit and face paint.

Signed your soon-to-be in trouble with parents author,

Gaara.


	25. Drunk Singing (Dear Lord help me)

**November 26-**

****Kankuro got drunk. Yes, those three words are one of my nightmares. I knew this fact because when I had woken up this morning, I was face to face with a wide eyed Kankuro who was signing "Go to sleep".

Over.

And.

Over.

And.

Over.

Dear lord help me and give me strength not to hurt Kankuro,

Gaara.


	26. Cat Suit Vs Dog

**November 27-**

After that horrifying wake up, my insomnia began to act up all over again.

Of course I didn't let that slide, Ryu went after him, but that was actually on his own will.

Dressing like a huge cat does not pay off.

Consider that a leason well learned.

Signed from your rather faithful author,

Gaara.


	27. Time To Kill The Nara!

**November 28-**

When you get this message...Well I couldn't tell you in person, but...I am sorta-kinda-maybe-defiinetly datingsomebodynamedShikamaru ...soooodon'tkillhim!

YOUR EXTREMELY LOVING AND CARING SISTER,

TEMARI

* * *

Well, that is interesting I see, I respect your choice.

Please.

I am going to go kill him now.

Your overly attached brother who is going to kill Nara Shikamaru,

Gaara.


	28. Feeling Better

**November 2****9-**

****Kankuro didn't pull any tricks today.

Not after I forced Naruto to drag Shikamaru down to Suna.

Let's just say him and I had a pleasant talk about a gender change for him if he tried anything.

I feel so much better now.

Your regaining in faith author,

Gaara.


	29. Bitches Be Trippin'

The Kaze: Ok, I seriously need to show you my appreciation, god all of you are so amazing! I am so thankful for you guys!

For those who reviewed last chapter:

**Scorpio's. Black. Opal., Gaaralover2247, Reaper. death, Utsukushii utashi-chan, roflmfao-ing, johsnsonmiranda70, Narutolover0002, Pr0ject. M4yhem.**

I will be doing that occasionally! So if you feel all warm in fuzzy seeing your name?! Your very much welcome! I always laugh at the comments that say they almost sprayed water all over the computer, pissed their pants, got weird looks, I am glad you like my sense of humor!

* * *

**November 30-**

Now that my cat, Nara, brother, and diary violation issues have been resolved...

I am still working on the stalking, obsessing, hormonally insane fangirls who fantasize over me. I think I will use them in war, they might scare the hell out of the enemy...

What an interesting battle theory...

I can see it now: Suna reins victorious due to hormonally unstable teenage girls!

One day I might honestly use that. All you have to do is take an article of my clothing, tie it to one of the enemies, and watch all hell break loose.

Kankuro tells me that when all hell breaks loose, this causes the very dangerous illness called "Bitches be trippin'"

I suppose that is how Suna will win.

By "bitches" trippin'.

I do not understand Kankuro's slang, but apparently it is an accurate terminology of teenagers my age.

No wonder I skipped that awkward faze.

Your surprisingly content author,

Gaara.


	30. Can't Touch This

The Kaze: Hey! I take it last chapter was interesting?;) Last chapter reviewer thanks...

**johnsonmiranda70, Partying'Through'Pain, Reaper. death, Gaaralover2247, ****Kilalahinanaruto555, desiray. kimblee, iluvninjas, coolseal9, Dyani91, Weasel-Chan, Shadow-Ninja-Captain69, elysenjazz, Scorpio's. Black. Opal**

If you saw your name, admit it, you feel special! ;)

* * *

**December 1-**

Matsuri came to my house today with a huge gift basket of candy, wishing me a happy December. I didn't want to ruin her mood so I took it, regardless of the fact I hate candy.

I would of rathered gizzard tongue, but as Temari says, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."

Personally, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

I will complain if I want, no one will stop me.

Not even the imginary "fit stopper" from the song.

That person can not touch this.

Signed from your semi loyal author,

Gaara.


	31. The Hot Nurse

**December 2-**

A blonde came into my office today, dressed in an ill fitting nurse outfit, claiming she was here to give me a checkup.

I told Naruto to get the hell out of my office.

Your unimpressed author who doesn't fall for idiotic tricks,

Gaara.


	32. Sexy No Jutsu (Gone Wrong)

**December 3-**

I was browsing through my library today, or rather Suna's Public Hall of Knowledge (sounds better than a library, I named it too.) and I felt tense for some reason.

Behind the shelves were lines of eyes hungrily staring at me. I knew at that moment, even libraries were unsafe.

If I transformed myself into a jutsu Naruto taught me, he said it would repel girls.

He called it the "Sexy no Jutsu".

I ended up attracting _males._

Thank you Naruto, really, I am beyond scarred because of you.

Your mental scarred author who _will_ get back at Naruto Uzumaki, the loud Hokage,

Gaara.


	33. Spandex

The Kazekage: Hugs from me if you reviewd last chapter.

* * *

**December 4-**

Hugs are supposed to be free.

So when they strapped a sign that read hugs for a buck, I knew that we wouldn't need to fundraise.

For the rest of the year.

Looks like I'll be needing a couple hundred more shirts...

Anyway, Rock Lee visited today.

I point blank refuse to "Get Youthful!".

Or wear that wierd green...spandex? Suit.

Your not so youthful author,

Gaara.

P.S- Stop imaging me in spandex. I know you are.


	34. I Am Watching You Shikamaru, Always!

Queen Chibi: On a completely UNREALTED note, I got my ears pierced! Yay! Now I have to let Gaara write!

The Kazekage: You cried when you got them done -_- anyway, thanks for last chapter:

**Reaper. death, Shadow-Ninja-Captain69, Ivy123, McKazekage, johnsonmiranda70, Lethaldoze, iluvninjas, TheSecondOtherGuy, Kilalahinanaruto555, Hellcat-Sakura, Gaaralover2247, desiray. kimblee , Shadowgirlkeller, Lollimint, Narutoluver0002, LilithiaRW, Utukushii utashi-chan, Dyan91, MiMe, DestinyItachi, coolseal9.**

**WHO FEELS SPECIAL AND LOVED WHEN YOU SEE YOUR NAME!?**

* * *

**December 5-**

Shikamaru asked Temari to the movies.

She asked if that was alright.

I said it was perfectly fine as long as she was safe.

So when she got mad at me for sitting in between them, I reminded her it was fine _as long as she was safe._

She's only safe if I am there.

The movie was actually quite good but Shikamaru subconsciously tried to rest his arm on the back of my seat.

I kindly asked him to remove his hand before my sand got a bit friendly as well.

He never tried that tactic again.

Nor on my sister.

Shikamaru, let it be known...

I am always.

Watching.

Your every step, breath, and move you make.

Signed your cautious author,

Gaara.


	35. It's Not Date Crashing It's Watching!

The Kazekage of Suna: Special thanks to **Review Whore** who literally lived up to the name and reviewed...a lot, to which I thank for her time.

Last chapter review thanks:

**Narutoluver0002, McKazekage, iluvninjas, elysenjazz, johnsonmiranda70, Partying'Through'Pain, Kilalahinanaruto555, Shadow-Ninja-Captain69, Reaper. death, desiray. kimblee, Dyani91, Byakusharinnegan, MyCandyLove333, Scorpio's. Black. Opal.**

* * *

**December 6-**

****I have been banned from "date crashing".

It's not crashing, it's watching.

Watching, closely.

Anyway, Temari threatened to make me go on a date with one of my fangirls if I ever did that again.

So I made sure the next movie we all saw, _Shikamaru _sat in the middle.

Even though that's my damn seat.

Your author whose seat has been stolen,

Gaara.


	36. Overly Attached Brother(s)

**December 7-**

****Well I sent Shikamaru back, his presence was annoying. Temari looked quite furious...I'm only helping her. Kankuro is doing the same, in fact, today before Shikamaru left, Kankuro intercepted the hug Temari was going to get.

I've never been more proud of Kankuro.

And disappointed in Temari.

Your overly attached brother and author,

Gaara.


	37. Temari's PMS Rage Kankuro's Advice

**December 8-**

I really need a vacation.

From Temari.

She's "pm'sing" according to Kankuro.

He told me it means that Temari is allowed to be a "complete and utter bitch for no damn reason".

I asked him if there was anything I could possibly do to make her feel better.

He said I need to just not breathe or be anywhere in the country.

...I can't do either.

Oh there goes a few vases...

I am taking that out of her paycheck.

Your half loyal and bored author,

Gaara.


	38. Kankuro and The Women's Bathroom

**December 9-**

****Well I've been staying the night at my office to avoid Temari's rage, it seems Kankuro had a similar idea, as I found him hiding in the office bathroom.

But, he's an idiot and wound up in the _women's _bathroom.

Temari lost her mind as with the other women.

Normally I'd step in but...

It was too entertaining.

I suppose old habits die hard.

Hurting Kankuro is one.

Your thoroughly amused author,

Gaara.


	39. Alien Invasion

**December 10-**

Kankuro was worried about aliens attacking Suna because he says invasions only happen in the desert.

I told him not to worry.

They only want intelligent life anyways.

Temari yelled at me for saying a hurtful joke.

I said that they won't want blondes either, it's movie logic.

My head hurts so I cant remember what she did.

Signed from your highly intelligent author,

Gaara.


	40. Tea Parties, Please

A/N: So Sanfang22, I am going to hurt you.

Soon.

* * *

**December 11-**

Today was a remarkably peaceful day.

Please.

Temari is still on her rage of the month while Kankuro decided to move to Konoha.

Now I am stuck fulfilling her demands.

Which includes tea parties with her stuffed animals.

Never tell her I said that.

Signed from your about to die author,

Gaara.


	41. Your Prince of Babysitting

The Kazekage: So there will be a few times where Gaara is a bit out of character, but not a lot. I am really glad a lot of you find this to be original and...special:)

* * *

**December 12-**

Instead of psychically beating me, Temari made me baby sit a little girl.

I assumed that would be easy.

I assumed wrong.

She wanted to play dress up, so I had to dress as a "handsome prince" so she could be princess.

We also had to play dolls.

She made me braid her hair after about an hour of teaching me how to braid hair.

So I had to have braids in my hair...

But, it's better than being feared.

Signed from your prince,

Gaara.


	42. Shattering Shower Singing

**December 13-**

I heard Kankuro singing in the shower the other day.

I thought that I'd have to get my ears checked in case I had gone deaf or my ears were filled with blood.

I'm not saying he's a bad singer.

No, he's _far _worse than that.

Signed from your nearly deaf author,

Gaara.

P.S- I think he shattered a window. That's coming out of his paycheck.


	43. Your Cat Loathing Author

The Kaze: If you ever want to contact me or PM for the hell of it, I will allow it because I'll respond 98% time! Success rate!

**nightX-18- **Oh my god I'm loved!*Cries tears of joy* It does feel pretty damn awesome. I feel awesome.

**Lethaldose-** Dare I say...it is higher than...Biebs.

**isiscrystal9912-** I hope you cleaned that poor computer screen! Shame on you!

**Gaaralover2247-** Quite low indeed! You...love...this story...*_* Hugs!

**johnsonmiranda70-** It's a battle tactic!

**Lollimint-** WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EATING AND DRINKING WHILE READING THE STORY! YOU MIGHT DIE!

**Hellcat-Sakura- **I'd laugh...if I could still hear myself...

**Shadow-Ninja-Captain69- **Yes...yes it is.

**Elysenjazz- **Painful isn't it?

**iluvninjas-** I am so sorry...

**reaper. Death- **Dear god the mental image!

**Byakusharinnegan- **Most likely.

* * *

**December 14-**

Thank god Kankuro stopped signing. I thought I'd permanently lose my ability to hear.

Temari has stopped raging.

But her cat just _had _to go missing.

It is not my fault her cat is uncoordinated.

Or how I left the back door open.

Signed from your cat loathing author,

Gaara.


	44. Sleep Fight

The Kaze: On a completely irrelevant note, today is my fifteenth birthday!

* * *

**December 15-**

There are times I lay awake at night wondering why I cannot sleep.

Then it hit me.

Literally.

Kankuro was sleepwalking, and he managed to maneuver his way to my room, and smack me. I accidentally jumped up and punched him, thinking it was a robber.

I need a new lock.

And some ice.

Signed from your in pain author,

Gaara.


	45. The Ultimate Fangirl Entry

The Kaze: I didn't think anyone would take up on "PM'ing me for the hell of it" but a lot of you did! You're all crazy like me!

NINJA FIVE!

Anyways thank you all for the kind "happy birthday's!" I'll have you know that it was! Even though I slipped on freakin' grass and screwed up the side of my knee! It was all bloody and nastyyy and *Is laughing at horrified faces*.

* * *

**December 16-**

So at first I was in Gaara's office! Then, I FOUND THIS OH MY GOD! I MADE SURE TO PUT IT DOWN MY SHIRT SO HE CAN ALWAYS SMELL ME AND I EVEN TOOK A PAGE SO I COULD ALWAYS HAVE THE SCENT OF HIM!

I HAVE TO PUT THIS BACK NOW!

BUT KNOW I LOVE YOU GAARA-SAMA!

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE EVERYBODY ELSE!

HAVE MY CHILDREN!

WE WILL HAVE FOUR LITTLE GAARA'S! THEY WILL HAVE MY EYES AND YOUR HAIR!

SIGNED FROM YOUR SUPER LOYAL AND LOVING FANGIRL,

MRS. SABAKU

P.S- My bra is in your desk cabinet ;)


	46. Overly Loved

**December 17-**

After disinfecting my journal and removing the bra form my drawer, changing the locks on my doors, and putting blinds on the windows, as well as a barrier around my office, I think I am safe.

I love all the people in my village.

But I do not enjoy the game of "Stalk The Kazekage".

One of my least favorite aside from the other one which is "Steal The Kazekage's Personal Belongings".

Almost forgot the "Take and Violate" game.

My poor journal.

Your overly loved Kazekage,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kaze: Reader Challenge: Try and make your review funny! I will announce who made the funniest one and the two runner ups next update!


	47. Sasuke's Deceptive Hair

The Kazekage: Holy. Shit. I did not except so many people to actually do the challenge Hmm that gives me ideas *Evil grin here* Anddddd now! For the top three out of all the comments that I found funny!

1. **KazejinKatsuragi** (She/he made a legit journal entry that was quite the hilarious review!)

2. **Fallen's Wrath **(Yet again a hilarious journal entry! Haha...poor chair :(

3.**RavenUchiha136 **(Mildly disturbing...but funny...funny nonetheless. *Still freaked*)

* * *

**December 18-**

For those wondering about the rather odd undergarment, I burned it.

Burned.

It.

Anyway, I was sure I saw Sasuke Uchiha today, out in the small pond in my oasis behind the Kazekage's Mansion.

Turns out it was just a duck.

I always thought his hair was deceptive.

Very deceptive.

Signed from your faith deciding author,

Gaara.

P.S- I don't really know why I bother to write in this, nor why I felt momentary remorse for this journal.

Perhaps Temari has been spiking my coffee as payback.


	48. Lee's Eyebrows

**December 19**-

A rather large man in an eye scarring green suit came to visit me today.

Gai Sensei, I believe.

He asked for Lee to stay in my home and for me to train with him.

I politely declined and told I could not do that.

When in actuality...

I wouldn't be able to wake up in the morning and hear Lee screaming about youth at four a.m.

Or those facial fire hazards...

Signed from your "lacking in youth" (According to Gai) author,

Gaara.

P.S- No Naruto, I am not jealous of his...eyebrows...

P.P.S- No, he didn't steal my eyebrows either.

* * *

The Kaze: if I had a forum that maybe would have role playing...and maybe some Ask The Kazekage...who'd join?


	49. Nail Salon

**December 20-**

Temari's "girl" friends were currently out on missions today.

Kankuro left for Konoha once more.

And so there I was.

Stuck painting her nails.

It was impossible because according to her nail polish had to stay _on the nail_.

Not the finger.

Honestly I am not sure why I agree to do that sort of stuff.

I guess it's because I am still in debt to her for the whole cat and Shikamaru fiasco.

Hn.

Signed from your "inept of style" author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kaze: If I made a sort of spinoff to this called "Signed From Your Loyal Stalker" about Sasuke stalking Naruto, who'd read it?

P.S- Forum link on profile... Don't drown me in questions! I already know you will...It's futile to beg for mercy now... :P


	50. Freezing

**December 21**-

I had to visit Konoha, it was freezing.

Temari complained about Kankuro.

Who complained his "ass froze and fell off".

I reassured him it hadn't.

I received very odd looks from my siblings...

Maybe I had something on my face?

Your slightly concerned author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kazekage: I had a lot of people want a forum, yet most of you are not brave enough to join? We are discussing role play ideas now...better tell me what you want!

**link is in profile.**


	51. Not Stalking

The Kazekage: Happy birthday to **onlineinprogress**!

**Chapter dedicated to: Onlineinprogress **

* * *

**December 22-**

After a very awkward travel to Konoha, we finally got settled into the Hokage's Mansion, Kankuro went to the indoor...hot springs...

Temari went to the enemy-excuse me- Shikamaru.

Guess it's time to take a _long _and _observant _stroll through Konoha.

It's not stalking of course.

Merely playing a game of Hide and Kill Shikamaru.

Your rather youthful feeling author,

Sabaku No Gaara.


	52. U Mad Bro?

**December 23-**

So we left Konoha and we are on our way back to Suna.

I decided that Shikamaru can live with the five restraining orders I gave him.

Nothing too bad.

He's just not to be in the same room as her.

Or country.

Or breathe the same air.

Or think of her.

Or look at her.

Your content author,

Gaara.

* * *

**GAARA DON'T MAKE ME GIVE THIS DIARY TO YOUR FANGIRLS!**

**- YOUR PISSED OFF SISTER.**

* * *

I honestly thought they were done violating the _journal_.

* * *

**U MAD BRO?!**

**-KANKURO**

* * *

Livid.


	53. The Pre-Celebration Plan

**December 24-**

****Tomorrow is a day known as "Christmas".

However, I am not within my rights to have this holiday celebration, due to the different beliefs in Suna.

We are having a little something I like to call, "Happy Whatever Doesn't Offend You" day.

Your peaceful holiday manager,

Sabaku No Gaara.


	54. Your Sanda

**December 25-**

"Happy Whatever Doesn't Offend You" Day.

So, in order for that to properly work, we had to have Christmas trees, candle ornaments, oh, and can't forget the fact that according to Kankuro bowling was a part of the other holiday celebrations.

Temari insisted on having a fashion show.

Matsuri insisted on partaking in that show.

I gave gifts to small children.

...Was forced to give hugs to girls...

Shikamaru came.

I made him dress as an elf.

Kankuro was a reindeer.

Temari refused to dress up, but she had snowflakes on her ears.

Earrings, I think.

Anyway, everyone got a present regardless...but I gave Shikamaru sand.

That's what he gets.

And all the bad people of Suna, they get sand too.

Your Sanda (yes I made that up) of Whatever Doesn't Offend You Day,

Sabaku No Gaara.


	55. Late Present I Am Sanda

The Kaze:

To **NightX-18**: Quite clever, hm, yes quite so. Haha, thanks, you're pretty cool.

**Six Ribbons**: Like that username, my brilliance? I have brilliance...*eyes sparkle*

**SplashofColour**: Well I hope your boss will enjoy it too! ;)

**Keyser.S**: You, Sir/Ma'am, are to be awarded for the most cussing in one review!

* * *

**CHALLANGE:**

**Make A Short One Shot labeled;**

**Signed From:**

**Make a diary entry, and I'll choose one that makes me laugh! PM IF YOU POST OR LEAVE A REVIEW! It can be any Naruto character too! **

* * *

**December 26-**

Naruto visited today, he even brought me a late Christmas gift.

I told him I don't celebrate that.

He slowly took the present back after I explained to him who I was.

Sanda.

I...

Am...

Sanda.

And it is only I, who may practice in the giving of gifts, not receiving.

Your clever author,

Gaara.


	56. Kankuro's a Foot Rest!

The Kaze: HEY! When I mentioned the making of a one shot entry for Signed: From *insert title here* I meant for you to post it as a legit story, so I can pick the best and have everyone read and review it! So tell me if you _post_ one!

* * *

**December 27**-

Now that I've official lost the holiday spirit, and could care less about anything...

Time for more paperwork.

Where's Kankuro when you need him?

As a foot rest.

Your satisfied author because his feet are propped up and Kankuro is in pain,

Gaara.

P.S- My feet are quite comfy because of Kankuro's extra "flubber".


	57. Show and Tell

**December 28-**

Today was "Show and Tell" at Suna Academy. Temari and Kankuro teach there, despite my strong distaste in Kankuro being around children and teenage girls (a new division was added) , they decided it was a good idea.

Would you like to know how that went?

That's right, _I _was brought in for Show and Tell.

Matsuri and her friends decided I would be the perfect thing.

I was voted most interesting object.

...I'm a person, not a museum.

Signed from your Showed and Told author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kaze: Get your submissions in, **THE STORY IS ONLY VAILD IF IT'S POSTED!**

**Submissions are currently on my page, more to come when people post.**

Check out my new story, "Letters to My Eternal Rival!"

Naruto and Gaara are in some serious competition


	58. Oh God Why

**December 29-**

****I've always wondered what I would look like with eyebrows.

Let's just say that sharpie isn't an accurate depiction.

Plus it isn't coming off very well.

I have a council meeting tomorrow.

Oh god why...

Your internally panicking author,

Gaara.


	59. Dah-um!

**December 30-**

I wore a bandana.

No one suspected a thing.

I acted as smooth as possible.

Until Kankuro pulled it off and screamed, "DAMN FEAR THE FUZZY!"

I made sure to accidentally send sand down his pants.

Your eyebrow free Kazekage,

Gaara.


	60. Just Shut The Fuc-Hell Up! Shit!

****The Kaze: SUBMISSIONS ON MY PROFILE!

On a side note...I am looking for a beta reader...I am better at beta'ing others work, I actually am a beta, but I need one for some of my longer stories!

* * *

**December 31-**

Damn you Kankuro.

You're officially my foot rest.

You also must now carry me to and from the office.

You've messed with the wrong Kage.

* * *

**GAARA:**

**Ok, I am sorry but...**

**Just.**

**Shut.**

**T****he.**

**Fuc-Hell. **

**Shit that was in pen!**

**Wait...that was too!**

**Son of a bitch! **

**Ah! NOT AGAIN!**

**Please?**

**You sound like a drama queen...**

**Love,**

**Kankuro!**


	61. Very Special Places for You

The Kaze: I'm considering going to the doctor for some sleep problems...I think it might be sleep apnea...who here has sleep problems?! Me!

* * *

**January 1-**

God dammit Kankuro, would you get the hell off of my journal!

You're immature.

So very immature.

You know what...

I am keeping this journal somewhere secret.

Your author whose book you'll never find,

Gaara.

* * *

**LOL bro, too late.**

**Your underwear drawer is obvious! **

**-Kankuro.**

* * *

...Why the hell were you in my underwear drawer?

Kankuro, there are special places for people like you...

Very special places...

* * *

**Oohhh is there special food too?! As long as there is I'm down.**

* * *

Just...just leave.


	62. Die Painfully Shikamaru

The Kaze: Don't kill me. For not updating!

* * *

**January 2-**

I received a small package in the mail.

There was a label that read, "The Kazekage's Specially Made Home Baked Cookies".

They're cookies with meat chunks instead of chocolate. I was thrilled on the inside to see them.

Go to hell Shikamaru.

You put chocolate in them.

Die.

Die painfully for your sin.

Your death wishing author,

Gaara.


	63. The Therapist (Quit)

The Kaze: "Letters From My Eternal Rival!" if you like this, you'll love that!

**Winner of the Signed From: *Insert title* contest is...**

******"Signed From: The Awesome Jashinist , Hidan" by: Envyyyy**

******Awesome job! Thanks for all who ****submitted! **

* * *

**January 3-**

It's now official.

Temari is making me go to a therapist every week, at least three times a week, with two hour sessions.

Today was the first session.

The therapist quit.

Apparently I had "too many problems".

I only told him about my fangirls, stalkers, cat, Shikamaru, Kankuro, council members, chocolate, patience, anger, temperament, sleep, work, stress, letters, nail painting, children, eyebrows, Temari, baby siting, presents, sharpie, bandana, tea parties, underwear, Kage outfit modifications, drunk Kankuro, deaf tone Kankuro, bastard Kankuro, PMS'ing Temari, abusive Temari, overly emotional Temari, and couple other issues...

Your "troubled" author,

Gaara.


	64. Public Bath House

**January 4-**

It was requested that I install a public bath house in Suna.

I did that.

Then.

Then it was requested that I be the first to try.

In my mind I said, "Hell to the mother of all NO's."

What I really said?

"Let Kankuro try."

Your some what loyal author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kaze: **CHECK OUT "SANDA OF SUNA" A GAARA CHRISTMAS STORY!**


	65. The Essence of Sexy

**January 5-**

The fangirls have officially shocked me to a whole new level of "What the hell is wrong with them?".

My maid that I had awhile back?

The shirt she stole?

I don't even want to know how...

Or even why...

But, they took my..."scent" and turned a fragrance into it.

"The Essence of Sexy".

...I just subconsciously smelled my shirt...I do smell quite nicely.

Your "sexy" smelling author,

Gaara.

P.S.- If they made a fragrance of Kankuro's body scent, it could be used as a weapon of nuclear warfare.


	66. Office Strip Club

**January 6-**

I am thoroughly disappointed in Naruto and Kankuro.

They turned my office...into a strip club.

No, I was not interested in a friendly dance with naked women.

Do you know how awkward that was to explain to my sister and the council!

I have my bets placed on Shikamaru...

I know this was his idea...

That disgusting pervert...

Though the outfits were quite elaborate...

Damn it look what Shikamaru has done to me!

Your very upset author,

Gaara.


	67. Nerf Gun Surprise

The Kaze: "Here's to another year of pretending to like you people..."

Just kidding! I love you guys for all your awesome support and for trying to not piss your pants! (Lookin' at you)

Please...don't actually piss your pants...

* * *

**January 7-**

After work, I came home and found an intriguing object on the kitchen counter.

The object had the name of "Nerf Gun".

I picked it up right as Kankuro walked into the kitchen. He screamed as loud (and high if I might add) as he could and ran out the room.

I kept the new "Nerf".

I accidentally shot one at Temari.

I think that might just possibly be my death wish.

Then I purposely shot Kankuro.

Though I played the card as innocent young brother and won them both over.

Your deceptive author,

Gaara.

P.S- It concerns me how high Kankuro screams...perhaps he needs to go to the doctor...or she...


	68. The Women Kage are Beasts

**January 8-**

****I had the fortune of having a brief meeting with the Kage.

I was the only male there.

The only two that made it were Mei and Tsunade, other than myself.

I lost my hearing.

The Meiraptor and Tsunadasaurous are very dangerous anima-women!

Your deaf again author,

Gaara.


	69. Mediation Meeting

**January 9-**

Well I ended up hiding in the cabinet of the Kage's kitchen break room while the two elder women roared at each other.

Did I mention I got a friendly letter from the other male Kage telling me to have a fun time at this mediation meeting of the two women?

I am not a mediator!

I have my own problems!

Your suffering and practically DEAF author,

Gaara.


	70. Dinosaur Bait

**January 10-**

The carnivorous killing dinosaurs are currently sleeping in their caves.

I am currently locked in the bathroom.

However, I found out that if I leave the shower running, they'll leave me alone.

I guess that tactic stops working after three hours.

Maybe if I get Kankuro to try and flirt with them...

He'll die instead.

Your clever, clever, author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kazekage: Hey guys! I recently read this story called "Kakashi's Cow Obsession" by Sandfang22 and fell in love with it! You know that means...yes, go read it. And...this might sound crazy but she gets pissed is she gets a lot of reviews...do me a really big favor and go review it a lot. If you do...I will write a special 500 word diary entry...I leave this challenge in your hands...


	71. Escape!

**January 11-**

I ran out of the building and am currently on my way back to Suna.

I refuse to deal with post hormonal women, or rather dinosaurs.

Kankuro didn't come to save me.

He is now on my list.

The list called, "People who have achieved Shikamaru's Level".

Or my shit list.

Your unfaithful author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kazekage: I LOVE YOU ALL! WE TORTURED HER! The damage we did was 25 reviews! Hey...I am working on the long chapter! And...there's this forum...if you like Kakashi and Kazekage times! LINK ON PROFILE!

**Kakashi's and The Kazekage's Interview Institution**

71 CHAPTERS! And from now on I shall call you all...my MiniKages. This is planned to be about 100 chapters...29 to go! This is crazy how much you guys love this!


	72. The Better Smelling Author

**January 12-**

Day two of traveling.

I've decided that nature hates me, or rather forest hell nature.

Did I mention it rained?

Oh it poured.

Rain is my enemy, and also a very critical hit on me.

Damn you forest!

It knows...

The forest is out for some Kazekage.

I do not taste very good.

Though I do smell intoxicating.

Like almonds and vanilla...and a bit of pumpkin spice.

Kankuro just smells like dirty underwear and sweat.

The better smelling author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kazekage: If this comes to a close at 100 chapters...who should I write about having a journal next? YOU DECIDE!


	73. Let Me Love You!

The Kazekage: hey! I decided that the last chapter will be Gaara's birthday and 500 words long. I will be writing Kakashi's journal next. Here's KANKURO'S Journal, done by a friend of mine.

**The Special Life of Kankuro **

**By: Kakashi The Moo Cow**

****It's a follow up to this story, please read it, I loved it!

* * *

**January 13-**

When I arrived at the gate, mud on my face, sticks in my hair, and a runny nose...

It was fangirl central.

"GAARA-SAMA LET ME HEAL YOU!"

"GAARA-SAMA LET ME FIX YOU!"

"GAARA-SAMA LET ME SMELL YOU!"

"GAARA-SAMA LET ME KISS YOU!"

"GAARA-SAMA LET ME LOVE YOUUUUUU!"

I made sure Kankuro knocked them unconscious by standing in the center of the crowd and letting his barbaric smell violate everyone's nostrils.

I knew that his smell was of nuclear proportions.


	74. Seriously?

The Kazekage: After receiving pm's about the souls I've crushed, the death threats I've received, it appears...

this diary won't be ending for awhile.

...And I'm glad :)

though you can vote whose diary is next on my profile...

* * *

**January 14-**

Safe and sound.

With my office door chained, windows bolted up, and sand ready for anything.

I will have peace and quiet.

Temari shouted from the other side asking what I'm doing.

Kankuro said that I must be having a party with strippers.

Or I was crying in a corner to myself.

None of those ideas are what I'm doing.

Clearly, I am updating the journal in peace.

...and there goes the door.

Seriously?

Your irritated author,

Gaara.


	75. My Whole Damn Day!

the Kazekage: I cannot believe this has got so popular... Over 1,000 reviews, so much love, death threats, pee stained pants, ruined laptop screens, odd family looks, gut explosions, and class room interruptions later...it's still going strong.

Btw, next journal is currently voted on Kakashi! Vote on the poll in profile!

* * *

**January 15-**

Kankuro poured my cereal today.

It was the wrong amount of milk.

What is he thinking?!

He ruined my whole day.

That fool.

Screwing up my whole damn day and my Kazekage O's.

Yes I enjoy my own brand of cereal, it's delicious.

The authors whose whole damn day was ruined,

Gaara.


	76. Really Frickin' Weird

The Kazekage: Sorry I wasn't updating sooner, I just wasn't feeling the best this week, anyway, here's the chapter.

* * *

**January 16-**

Temari's cat ran away.

I am smiling on the inside.

Ryu is a happy dog, and so is his master.

Wait...

Temari is going to automatically think I let the cat out.

What? It had to go to the bathroom and it wasn't going in _my _sand.

Anyways, I never let Kankuro dare poison my food with his inadequate skills of pouring dairy products into a damn bowl.

I don't think it gets any less intelligent than that.

Temari poured my cereal precisely the way it should be measured, to perfection, and exactly three inches of milk from the top of the bowl with a cup and a half of cereal.

Kankuro poured a cup and _four _inches of milk from the top.

It makes me sad thinking about that.

I was walking to the office and Naruto came running up to me with a small bottle in his hand.

I told him it was really frickin' weird he was wearing my cologne line.

Your disturbed author,

Gaara.


	77. Ugly Man-Handed Ladies

**January 17-**

Naruto is here for a little...and he ate...all...

Of.

My.

Kazekage-O's!

Unacceptable!

Unheard of!

Not to mention the fact Kankuro poured all the milk in my gourd, in spite of my perfectionism!

So, Ryu is growling at the two idiots as they helplessly cry like the little ugly man-handed ladies they are.

After all...boys will be girls.

I am a man.

Your manly author,

Gaara.


	78. That's What She Said!

**January 18-**

Today Kankuro just decided to be a complete nuisance.

I only said, "I was at the office finishing up hard work."

And here's what he did...

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

Then I was trying to be nice and get everyone a drink by asking,"Is anyone else thirsty?"

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"

I swear to god Kankuro...you...just...gah!

Your agitated author,

Gaara.

* * *

**THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!**

**-KANKURO**

* * *

God damn it Kankuro, get the hell out of my journal!

* * *

***Diary**

* * *

*Shut the hell up

* * *

***Grow up**

* * *

*Piss off

* * *

***Diary**

* * *

Don't make me send everyone the picture you took of yourself in Temari's bra.

* * *

**I'll pay you and I'll drop the diary thing.**

* * *

Deal.


	79. My 20th Birthday

The Kazekage This is the 500 word chapter. I love you all! Keep an eye out you MiniKage's! Happy 20th birthday Mr. Pervykage!

* * *

**January 19-**

The unavoidable day has come. I tried to play it off and pretend like I had no idea was my 20th birthday. Well all the villagers certainly couldn't let that happen. I woke up to Kankuro in my face holding out a small gift.

It was bottle of my own cologne.

I just...moving on.

Temari gave me a new teddy bear and a gift card to my favorite coffee shop down in Suna. I shall call the bear..."MiniKage".

Matsuri...I think she gave me a coupon for a free kiss...I generously gifted that back to her.

The fangirls sent me at the least a couple hundred cards, all had lip stains over them...I made Kankuro sift through those.

Baki got me a pair of sunglasses. They are very nice to have out here.

Of course when I arrived at the office everyone jumped out and screamed surprise. They said they forget to bring confetti so they used sand and improvised instead. Sand is all over my hair now.

And down my pants.

For once the fangirls buying me boxers for my birthday wasn't such a bad idea I suppose.

Anyway, Shikamaru visited me and brought cookies with meat chunks...they were actually right this time...

Wise decision Shikamaru. Very wise of you. He's lucky I am in a somewhat happy mood today.

Naruto sent me a gift card for Ramen, I have a feeling he'll be using that anyway.

But I am just glad that he actually remembered it was my birthday I guess.

I try not to think about it...or pretend I am sleeping the whole day...

I never make it past 6:15 a.m with Temari and Kankuro on my case of fake sleeping.

Same with Ryu...he made sure to jump on me and lick my face.

And Temari's damned cat pissed on me.

It is just jealous that for once it is not all about its catty self.

I seriously just insulted a cat for having attitude... damn right I did.

Now that I am 20, I am no longer labeled an awkward teen. I feel like a full fledged adult.

Kankuro, being the genius he is, believed I was 21 and bought me a case of beer. Temari gave him a good "bitch-fan" to the face.

I bet that one hurt.

Hurt real bad, didn't it...

Well because it's my birthday I decide to only laugh... more than I ever did at that.

Temari strapped a sign on my Kage hat that said "I'M THE BIRTHDAY BOY!"

I couldn't take it off, or I too would be "bitched-fanned" across the face.

Yes.

I invented that word.

The last thing Kankuro attempted was baking a cake...it was a nice idea...but we ended up just buying one after he basically exploded the oven.

Today, despite all the abuse, piss, and other things...I really enjoyed everything.

Even though Kankuro annoys me, and Temari babies me...

I love them both.

All my friends.

...even those crazy fangirls.

Signed from your loving author,

Gaara.


	80. Getting Real Tired of Your Shit Kankuro

The Kazekage: My teacher was saying we wouldn't finish our math till late at night if we didn't get a head start, I was thisclsoe to saying, "You underestimate my power". Normally...I do say that to my teachers.

In case you ever wondered...yes. I seriously have this sense of humor in.. "real life".

* * *

**January 20-**

Well.

My birthday is over.

That's a relief.

Today I still was trying to get the sand confetti out of my hair.

Then I stared at myself in the mirror for a little and wondered how I ended up with red hair.

Then I realized...

I don't care.

Oh and Kankuro pulled a very dirty trick on me.

No pun intended either.

I was signing paperwork and then I found a ripped magazine page from "Suna's Sexy Sundolls".

Damn you Kankuro.

Damn you.

Your revenge plotting author,

Gaara.

P.S- I'm getting real tired of your shit Kankuro.

* * *

The Kazekage: If you put two and two together...

"Suna's Sexy Sundolls"...

It's like Suna's version of playboy.


	81. You Did WHAT!

**January 21-**

I've decided that revenge plotting against Kankuro would be bad.

He may drag me down to his level and beat me with his experience.

Of stupidity.

So...

I have bodyguards now.

They always start their jobs around...

Valentines Day.

This year, I'm relocating somewhere else and having a stand in.

I know it won't work.

The fangirls _smell _fake Gaara's like the hormonal hounds they become.

Your in need of luck author,

Gaara.

P.S I might make Kankuro stand in...

That was the most brilliant plan of revenge...

I'm a mastermind of revenge... Kankuro will not get me this time.

* * *

**Hey bro! I loaded up a t-shirt gun and shot out some of your clothes to the fangirls!**

**Your always wining brother,**

**Kankuro.**

* * *

****You were supposed to lay of this journal.

I knew it wouldn't work.

You.

Did.

WHAT?!


	82. The Sexual Suit Shop?

The Kazekage: I need to surprise my friend...he just posted his first story and I need your help! Please check it out and drop a line for the story! "Out of Oblivion" by Requiem for a Writer.

Anyways, enjoy this! Btw...I love you all too!

* * *

**January 22-**

How the hell am I going to buy a whole new wardrobe?

I went to the suit shop.

Once.

The woman had her hands on me more than I liked.

Temari said that was her job.

I think that's her impulse.

It should really be called the "Sexual Suit Shop" if you ask me...

Oh well. Temari'll buy me some eventually.

I'm already receiving cards that read:

_HAPPY EARLY VALENTINES DAY, SEXY-SAMA!_

I don't want to know how "sexy-sama" originated.

Your slightly irked author,

Gaara_. _


	83. Girlfriend Issues

The Kazekage: That person you can't get off your mind. The person you would love to hug now.

If you thought of the special him or her, you might just love them ;)

* * *

**January 23-**_  
_

Temari is worried for me.

Because I haven't had a girlfriend.

Kankuro says not to worry, "Gaara has overly attached sand!"

Really...thanks.

I will have a girlfriend...someday.

Now I'm bothered by the fact that _Kankuro _is teasing me about being single...

Your plotting author,

Gaara.


	84. Kankuro's Shower: An Excellent Hiding

The Kazekage: So...physics and I are FINALLY getting along.

WHAT'S UP MUH BITCHES!? (YOU'RE NOT BITCHES BUT IT SOUNDS COOL, IF YOU'RE OFFENDED...NOT REALLY MY PROBLEM BUT I AM NOT SURE HOW YOU FEEL...)

I AM BACK.

* * *

**January 24-**_  
_

Operation Get A Girlfriend Before Kankuro is currently not under progress.

This plan is harder than I thought.

At least I don't have to worry about Kankuro winning.

We all know there's no way in hell he will get one before me.

Precisely why I have not planned a single thing.

However...I am starting to believe someone read my last entry...an ad for my eligibility came up in the newspaper...

Clearly the potted plant is not a good hiding spot...

Though believe it or not, I once had my journal hidden in Kankuro's shower for a week and a half.

Just furthering proving he is failing at winning this competition he doesn't know he's involved in.

Your sort of ahead of the game that really isn't taking place author,

Gaara.


	85. Your Awkward Author

The Kazekage: So...how was everyone's Valentines Day?! ...mine was really good...

:)

* * *

**January 25-**

I was thinking about something the other day.

Why in gods name was I ever hiding my journal in Kankuro's shower?

When I think about it...that's just...that's just wrong...

Now I sit at my desk.

Just thinking how...wrong...that is.

I feel very uncomfortable now.

Your awkward author,

Gaara.


	86. Catching Stupid

The Kazekage: Long chapter...chapy? The hell is a chapy.

* * *

**January 26-**

So I decided to stop caring how awkward I can be, never had before, not starting now. Kankuro asked me the oddest question the other day.

What would I do if I met myself in a parallel version and I was actually human and had emotions.

Thanks Kankuro, really.

Temari decided that she MUST have a second cat to keep the Demon Spawn happy.

Life just can't get anyyyy better.

I wonder if I can cancel Valentines Day...

I just asked the council.

I can't.

Maybe if I just take a vacation.

You know what I think I might take a vacation and- oh who am I kidding, I can't take a break.

Your unhappy author,

Gaara.

* * *

**I am not going on vacation, I'll end up in the corner with my knees pulled up to my chest, staring at a wall because I have no life outside of work.**

**Your emo author,**

**Gara.**

* * *

Kankuro, you are so challenged you spelled my name wrong.

* * *

***Gayra**

* * *

The stupidity burns, Kankuro. It burns.

* * *

***Gira**

* * *

How the hell do you get an "I" out of my name? Better yet, why am I still allowing you to respond? That's it I am hiding this journal, you touched it and now I have to go get some disinfectant so I don't catch stupid.


	87. NO!

The Kazekage: I am on an updating roll.

* * *

**January 27-**

**Hey Gaara, it's Temari. I just wanted to let you know that hiding your diary in your laundry doesn't work...you do ****realize that our new maid gave it to me and asked if it was mine...**

**Love,**

**Temari. **

* * *

I don't know why you have to use permeant pen.

In.

My.

Journal.

And it isn't pink nor does it say diary!

Your fed up author,

Gaara.

* * *

**It makes my ****entries much cooler. You know what she also said...**

**You have girly handwriting. **

* * *

My hand writing is not girly.

It's just neater than yours.

* * *

**Oh that's it! You have to bathe Cuddlykinz now!**

* * *

NO! TEMARI, NO!


	88. I Smell Like Fru Fru and Hell Spawn!

The Kazekage: Welcome new readers and my old faithful ones! This chapter should be amusing because I am in a really good mood!

* * *

**January ****28-**

It.

Was.

Hell.

I was defenseless!

That cat knows my weaknesses! It knows my sand doesn't work with water!

The cat knows _all _damn it.

The Demon Hell Spawn scratched the shit out of me!

I am itching _everywhere _because that damned cat!

Did I mentioned I smell like "Fru Fru" and wet cat?

I am so unbelievably pissed off with Temari!

That cat hacked up on me too!

I tried to have Ryu jump in the tub to scare that cat.

Even _Ryu_ hates water!

He's a dog for gods sake!

That Hell Spawn wins this time!

But next time I will come back stronger than ever!

And...with some laser pointers too.

Your devious author,

Gaara.


	89. Mini Midgets (Are Mine)

**January ****29-**

The laser pointers...

THEY WORKED.

Until the Demon Spawn got fed up and clawed me.

I enjoyed the minute of torturing the cat.

Then Temari walked in...and got pissed at me...

I asked her if I could shave the Hell Cat and she smacked me with her small hand held fan.

I think it's fur would be nice to make a little hat out of...

Anyways...

I was walking around town with Kankuro and he kept calling all the little kids "mini midgets". He did get sand in his mouth.

That's insulting to my MiniKages.

Only I may call them my mini people.

Because they are.

Your mostly content author,

Gaara.


	90. Great With Kids Author

**January 30-****  
**

It was a thing called..."Circle Time"...

And I was asked to come in and tell the children a story...

Apparently telling stories about little children being terrorized by the Demon Spawn is not an acceptable story.

Half the kids ran out of the room and the others screamed that they are going to disown their cats.

I gave a small smile of pure joy when they disowned their cats.

Small, but a smile.

It was thoroughly amusing...

Until I got numerous letters from parents complaining about how their children are screaming, "DEMON SPWAN!" or "HELL SPAWN!" around their homes.

I blamed Kankuro.

Your great with kids author,

Gaara.


	91. Accident

The Kazekage: What is up MiniKages?! I can not believe this story nearly has **100,000 **views! YOU GUYS, I OWE YOU SO MUCH! That is why I will be PM'ing you about promotions of your own work, if you'd like to be promoted/recommended please contact me via PM.

* * *

**January 31-**

I am not allowed to go back to the Academy until I can "pull myself together".

I came home to Kankuro running around the house without a shirt.

I accused him of having more boobs than Temari.

Temari ended up choking on her cake and threw a plate at me, which I dodged.

It hit the Demon Spawn, who hissed and cause Ryu to chase it around the house.

Then Ryu tackled Kankuro to the ground by accident*.

Your author whose life is insane,

Gaara.

* * *

***Accident: He was actually trained to do that. Saying accident just makes me sound like a better owner. **


	92. So Emasculated

The Kazekage: I haven't really updated that often, I am going to go ahead and call a quits and go on hiatus for awhile. Two or three months nothing too long. I love you all but I have to pass my end of the year exams and everything.

* * *

**February 1- **

I sent Kankuro on a mission.

Well...

Basically I challenged him to go out into the desert and find a rare cave of green diamonds (yes he believed me).

He'll be gone for a long time.

I am just surprised he's that dumb.

I really shouldn't be...

Your smart author,

Gaara.

* * *

**DAMN IT GAARA, YOU LET THAT BAFOON LOOSE INTO THE DESERT!? HE'S GOING TO CAUSE HELL OUT THERE! **

* * *

Temari, please, calm yourself.

* * *

**OH.**

**HELL.**

**TO.**

**THE.**

**NO.**

* * *

I'll go get him...

* * *

**I am taking your TEDDY BEAR! **

* * *

Temariiiiii! I don't have a teddy bear!

* * *

**YES! HIS NAME IS SNUGGLYWUGGLEZ! **

* * *

I feel so...emasculated...


	93. Fuzzy Eyebrows

**The Kaze: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I AM BACK! I HAVE SPRING BREAK NOW OMG I CAN WRITE! Okay so you see I am so f*cking happy that I can write!**

* * *

**February 2-**

So after that rather odd episode...

Kankuro made his way home with a new found friend.

It's a rock.

I just...I just don't know what to do with him.

Temari said she would hurt me if I mentioned to him a rock doesn't count as a pet.

She thinks that he had some accident in the desert.

I think _he _was an accident.

Anyways.

Valentines Day is coming...I think I am going to send Kankuro a Valentine but sign it from Gai Sensei... or Lee...

Instead of having lips on the card I will draw huge fuzzy eyebrows over the card...

I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth...

Your creatively grossed out author,

Gaara.


	94. Kill Him Because of Lingerie

**Febuary 3-**

So I'm not sure if Kankuro thought I would come home late or something...

but...

Now I wish I had.

I want to gauge my eyes out with a spoon.

Never...have I ever...wanted to see...Kankuro...in Temari's...

_"Lingerie"_

Someone please take my ability to see. Also...

I need to remind myself...

If Shikamaru sent Temari that raunchy attire...

He will receive a gender change.

Your bent on killing Shikamaru author,

Gaara.


	95. What've I Become?

**Febuary 4-**

My plan is simple.

I will invite Shikamaru over with the intentions of making amends...

Then let the Demon Spawn claw is face.

That is what I call an effective plan.

Took me ten seconds to create.

Now that I have that taken care of...

I received an odd packet that had been slid under my office doors.

Suna's Sexy Sun Dolls... A magazine...*cough*porn on pages*cough* invited me to do some cover shoot with girls.

I took one look at the form and promptly tossed it out the window.

Then I heard an innocent child's scream and a woman's voice cry something about flying porn.

I shuddered after that.

And then...zero shits were given. Mainly due to the fact I figured the young boy would see that someday...

My god...what have I turned into...

Your internally conflicted author,

Gaara.


	96. Curiosity Killed The Fat Cat

The Kazekage: Oh my gosh guys...I was checking the most reviewed Gaara stories of all time the other day..you better believe I was shocked to see this SECOND! I love you all so much this is crazy! So here's a longer chapter! ^~^

* * *

**February 5-**

So...Temari has been giving me these suspicious glares lately every time I walk by her cat...and every time I mention Shikamaru.

I have this hunch she might have possibly read my plan, but again it's hunch and there's only a slight chance she did that.

I have encrypted my journal with sand, and bolted a padlock onto it, then placed a justu on it that turns any one who touches the book beside myself into Baki.

No I can not explain why they turn into Baki.

I just thought it would be highly amusing to watch him get frustrated with himself.

I hope Kankuro touches the book so he can turn into Baki and then proceed to argue with the orginal Baki.

Now I can't stop thinking about how amusing that situation would be.

I think I'll hide my journal on my desk.

That way the curiosity will "kill" the fat cat (a.k.a Kankuro).

Your genius and always a few steps ahead author,

Gaara.


	97. Calm Your Ti-Shhhh!

**_Disclaimer: This entry _****_is only slightly raunchy ;) _**

**_-Kankuro _**

**_P.S- I'm a sexy beast. _**

**_And have female BOOBIES!_**

* * *

**February 6-**

He'll die for that later.

Kankuro was in fact challenged enough to touch the book.

And you could say the jutsu did NOT go the way I planned.

For some unknown reason...he...

he...turned into...

Temari.

Now she's trying to kill herself...or rather the feminine Kankuro version of herself.

Though no one can tell I've literally pissed myself laughing...

Mentally.

Because I don't laugh.

...I'm perfectly capable of human emotions...

Anyways, Kankuro just threatened to flash herself...himself? To the village of Suna if Temari did not, and I quote,"Calm her tits".

Kankuro just got punched through the wall.

I need to record this, I'm far too amused.

How does one calm their tits...

Your author who doesn't know how one can calm their tits,

Gaara.

P.S- Maybe you use some soothing topical cream or baby lotion...


	98. Matsuri the Pedophile

The Kaze: So this has almost hit a 100 chapters now...and I have some news for you guys...

It's not stoping!

* * *

**February 7-**

So.

Now that the wall is being fixed and people's tits have been soothed.

Things are at ease.

I probably just jinxed myself.

At the moment I don't currently think anything is troubling...

Shit.

Valentines Day is in a week.

I need a double.

I think I've decided it'd be Kankuro though.

Anyways...I feel there's something I must let off my chest.

The other day...I walked into Matsuri...

She and her friends were all giggling over something...

They had a picture of me...getting out of my pool.

I immediately wanted to take sand and throw it in my eyes and wish I had never ever seen any of that.

And then throw sand in their eyes as well.

Just because they were looking.

And for taking the picture.

And because...that's really weird of them...Matsuri is actually older than me.

Doesn't that make her a pedophile?

Your wanting to be blind author,

Gaara.


	99. How Dumb Can He Be?

The Kazekage: I got a lot of shock responses from last chapter, yes Matsuri really is older than Gaara.

* * *

**February 8-**

The Hell Spawn.

I actually had nothing to do with this one.

It was Shikamaru...

So here's the story.

Shikamaru came over to stay for a week, and he majorly screwed himself.

He left the screen door open to the pool, and the dumb ass-excuse me- _The Spawn of All Things Satanic_, got loose.

Temari instantly blamed me.

I calmly explained what Shikamaru did, and contained my smirk as he owned up to his challenged of common sense mistake.

She took one look at Shikamaru.

And swiftly kicked him.

Now I can safely reassure myself that he will not reproduce.

Thank god.

I wonder if he will ever...be a man...again...

Your concerned yet pleased author,

Gaara.


	100. The 100th Failure (An authors note)

**February 9-**

As Temari was reading through my journal (I gave up caring) she noticed that this was my 100th entry. She decided that in honor of this she would bake a cake that said 100 on it.

The cake burned.

She said it could be chocolate cake.

Then the cake collapsed.

We, being Temari and I, just awkwardly stared at the demented and helpless cake.

She can't cook.

She'l kill me later for that...

Ha, maybe she'll try to cook me and kill me like the cake.

That was cruel.

But still good.

Your cruel author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kaze: OK so here's the low down, around the Valentines Day entry, I do intend on ending the journal. However, I have a sequel, it has been planned, and will be out soon. "Signed From: The Sand Siblings" it will be like this journal but it will belong to all three of the siblings, and have a chance for more perspectives, this has been the original sequel idea of mine, and I will not be writing it any other way. I am actually going to publish the prologue today, so when you have the chance go ahead and follow it:)


	101. A Realization, An Excuse, and a Goodbye

**February 10-**

Well my life is a lie.

Let's start off with one thing.

Damn. It. All.

Temari posses witchcraft sorcery that has dealt its final blow on this man.

I have given in for far too long!

It has taken me 101 pages in this damned journal to realize...

Everything is still Kankuro's fault.

And Shikamaru's...

And _especially_ the Demon Hell Spawn's fault.

Could it have been all along...I was a loyal author. Who wrote in the journal everyday since I had received it...

It was those three that kept up my deranged rants.

And it is I who will end it.

Kind of...

Temari had the dumbest idea ever.

Family journaling time.

God help me.

Well I suppose that this wasn't a bad way to record my daily "struggles" and "thoughts" into an inanimate object...

To me it's still some sad excuse of a therapist bound in pages of lies.

But even though this seemed like a horrible idea...

It'll be one entertaining read.

For old times sake..

A final sign off.

Signed from your not so loyal author,

Gaara.

* * *

The Kaze: I am not professional...No college ready speech from me... I'm just a 15 year old anime/manga loving GIRL (my lord I'm a girl!) who never expected this much from such a simplistic idea... Thank you all for the support...I'm sad it's over...just kidding there's a sequel! Do me a favor and read that.

The loyalty shall never die!

Until then,

I love you all my MiniKage's...


End file.
